The past year I couldn't have made it. I have ignored myself. I've lived just for others forgetting myself and, what's even worse, starting to look down on my own needs. There are a bunch of creative stuff that I love to do, such as music, drawing, dancing and writing. Since I've been ignoring my own needs, I haven't much done any of those. I've felt simply powerless and not having any interest of doing such things. And I've started to feel bad physically and even worse mentally.
I have been crying for a vision the last years, just to realize what to do in my life, but not ever having any answer. But then, somebody said to me recently, that might be my calling: to live my life faithfully, using the gifts God has given to me. It might not even be much bigger or more special than that.
I'm not sure how I'm going to perform in this. The hardest thing is to change ones way of thinking. My thoughts are so deep rooted that it might take a lifetime to learn not to think the way I've used to. I need mercy. But starting to feel like alive again, getting afresh grip from joy again, learning to love myself, really does require being faithful to those gifts I've been given. Those gifts that makes me feel alive - that makes me happy.
Anew start. Hopefully. It makes. A difference. Lord. Help me. To be me.
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